My Cancer Blog

I read Barbara Ehrenreich’s piece on “the power of positive thinking” in breast cancer land and it didn’t resonate at all. It’s been what, ten years since she wrote, and for my life the pink ribbons have been replaced by sedate turquoise and soft grays, clouded glass walls, an emphasis on luxury amenities (meaning single-cup… Continue reading Chemo #2

I am sitting on the couch waiting for my Neulasta injection to complete. The nurses attached a little white box to the skin of my belly yesterday you’ll feel a snap like a rubber band and it dutifully pulsed with a green light until around 8:45 tonight when I heard a sort of ticktickticktick sound and… Continue reading Chemo #1

I am sitting at my kitchen table typing on my computer, drinking a cup of coffee. My academic paper planner starts in July, so I have my academic paper planner out. It’s July. I am writing down appointments and commitments in this academic paper planner. I have a meeting with my new medical oncologist on… Continue reading Cancer #6

I keep hitting these cognitive blocks. Why do I have to get node dissection on both sides when nobody else does? Because I have cancer on both sides of my body. Why are they removing both of my breasts? Because I have cancer on both sides of my body. Why? Because I have cancer on… Continue reading Cancer #5

I am in active treatment for bilateral breast cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes on both sides, diagnosed May 4th. I will have a bilateral mastectomy and left axillary node dissection on July 3rd at 2pm. What that looks like today: a bus along the Croatian coastline, Zadar to Split, the water turns… Continue reading Cancer #4

I am back in my office and nothing has changed. The remnants of the last two panicked weeks are all around me, stray fax cover sheets to request my pathology slides, my food coop disability release form, Instructions for Filing a Claim. It has really only been twelve days or so, and that includes the… Continue reading Cancer #3

Some of this is just facts. I have two different primary cancers, one in each breast. Both are small: right side is six millimeters, left side is 1.3 centimeters. A biopsy shows cancer in the lymph nodes under my right arm. The number of women presenting with two primary cancers at the time of initial… Continue reading Cancer #2

I have had cancer for a week and a day. Or, I have had cancer all my life. Or, I don’t have cancer yet but I will. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Friday, May 4th. Today is Saturday, May 12th. I am at a cafe in midtown across the street from the synagogue… Continue reading Cancer #1